I'm living my life.

This photo was taken by my cousin, Edwin. This is my father's house (well, our home) in Ba' Kelalan. I grew up in Lawas by the way and only visit "kampung" (village) once in a year. My father said it is important to have a big house since we have a very large family. I agree. 

My father obviously worked very hard to build this for us. I'm very proud of him. People keep saying that our house is too big. It is big but I don't think it is big enough for 7 kids plus grandchildren to stay in for school holidays. -___-" We only have 5 bedrooms anyway.

People who knows my father would say " you're lucky. You come from a wealthy family". Most of the time I would just smile as an answer. Why? They don't know. They only see things. They saw our houses. The knew about our properties and all. Trust me. Lawas is too small. So words go around very fast. But still, they don't know. When I was 7, I stayed in hostel just because Kid no 5 and 6 were there to take care of me while my parents went away to work. I never really stayed with my parents during my teenage years. When I went to high school, they sent me to stay in the hostel til I was 17 too. Why? We don't have a car. Bus or van's fee was expensive. Kid no 5 and 6 went to different school. So they need more money. I didn't complain though. At that age, I was happy cos I can spend more time with my friends.

Have I told you that my parents never celebrate my birthday? Well. That's the truth. I didn't care until the day I saw my friend's album. A picture of her (since she was a year old) up to that day, she always have her birthday photos. Memories. That's what I don't have. Then I realized. I'm living a different kind of life. Wealthy family? That's not how I see it. How can a wealthy family can't afford to celebrate birthdays? We're not poor either. We're just living our life. Just living it. 

I felt sad once a while thinking of all the memories I should have. The photos that I never took.

My parents work hard anyway. Birthdays aren't important. I told myself. I may not have the memories but I'm living a good, blessed, simple life, well, that's good enough. Therefore, when people praises our family, I only answer them with a smile. I have nothing to brag about. I have nothing to tell them. 

Today, I've made a promise. For my future children, I'm gonna make sure they'll have a plenty of memories of their childhood and I'm gonna be next to them all the way. Not that my childhood was bad. My parents have their ways, and I'm gonna have my own.