I now understand.

Got back together ♥ no words can explain.
:)

An Opportunity

Will be seeing the girls on Wednesday!!! YAYY!! 

Only the good Lord knows how much i miss them :') Well, not all of them. Just two BUT it is better than don't see them at all.

WE have a lot to talk about, I know! Even for one night.

Will be posting photos :)

September yo!

oh wow! I'm here! Nobody misses me, i know. hahahaha

well so far i'm still unemployed. 'sall i can say ;p but life is good. Lots of things happened around me at the moment but i don't wanna say much about it.

anyway. i'll be back again soon ;)

 the conclusions for the past 'quiet' months are : 1/ jobless

                                                                      2/ love-less 

                                                                      3/ cashless

                                                                      4/ fat

                                                                      5/ still HAPPY :)

Sad but true.

Kuala Lumpur ranked way down in Reader’s Digest latest appraisal - Nation | The Star Online

A Volunteer Form .Yay or Nay?

I am trying to fill the volunteer form for UNICEF Malaysia but I am not a "permanent" working person (in which I may be jobless next month) and I'm in Sarawak. And NOT in Kuching, the city, but in Lawas which is nearer to Kota Kinabalu, Sabah rather than its own state.

How do I fill the "I am free at the following time" since I am not working and well, living in Sarawak. -,- If there are volunteers from Sarawak too it might be difficult to meet up with them so is it possible if I join volunteers team from Sabah instead? :)

I really wanna do this but I am afraid I might disappoint them if I can't make it when they need me to volunteer on the given time and place. Aww. 

Should I wait until I got a job or should I just go for it?

Anyone knows how?

Thank you :)

I Wanted To Go So Bad!

:C

I really wanna go for Big Bang's Galaxy Concert. I know it's in October, but the tickets are selling on July 28th! I KNOW it's gonna be very hard to get my hands on them. I don't know if I can. So worry lah...

And guess what, I'm so broke right now (this month) that I don't even have a 50 bucks in my account. -,-'

I need fast money. I need money by next week. I'm working but you know when they freeze your money for 3 months and you can't do anything about it? Well that's what happening to me. Not like I don't have money at all. I only get it by August. And August seems so FAR AWAY!!!!

Haiya.

Fast money. Fast money. I should buy 4D or something :D buy 1 ringgit, mana tau kena...and if my dad finds out that's the end of me! HAHAHA

A friend said she got some good business for me. I wonder why she haven't call me yet. 

When I said good business, don't get me wrong. I'm doing a HALAL one. *peace*

So, I'm still waiting for her call.................

WAITING.............................................................

Malaysia's VIP : ARE YOU READY??

BIG BANG Alive Galaxy Tour 2012 Malaysia - Ticketing Details ~ Daily K Pop News

You Can Google Translate Me!

Where there is a will, there is a way! Right?

:)

Now you can read my entries by just simply click the Google translate button in the box on your right hand side.

Read it in any language you want. Sorry if my English is not that perfect but I'll keep it simple and understandable. Good enough, ey?

Well thank you Google!! 

Lets Not Tell The World.

I know it's over but let's not make a big fuss about it.

I'm doing it here because I don't really have OUR friends reading my entries. I mean look at my followers.

You know, you don't have to attack me with such words. You may not directly point a finger at me but people may assume. Who else could it be? I just wished you never said such thing. Don't make me hate you. 

If you wanna hate me, go ahead. But watch your words. I didn't say anything. I haven't really told anyone. If you wanna tell your family, go ahead. You wanna announce it, sure. But be WISE with how you explain things. I don't have anything to hide, just that I wanted it to end in a good way. Not hating each other. Let's not be friends. We should not be friends.

Now I am sure and I've made up my mind.

Let's not condemn one another. We've known each other for so long. This is just isn't right. 

Good night.

Job Hunt.

Selling my degree is not easy.

Been e-mailing companies, registering with the government and all. I am still on hunt until today.

Gotta keep on moving or else, I'll just eat stone and sand for I am super broke.

*facepalm*

The Story of My Heart Part II

This is Part II.

It's was a wonderful relationship. People around us would go "Hey! get married already!" or "It's about time for both of you to settle down". I felt awesome when people said that. I feel proud of myself. Not everyone can be in a relationship that long. If we just did what they asked us to do, I don't think this would happen. Don't you think?

But then again. Things happen. It's against our will. As much as I want to go on, I just can't because I'm just tired. Honestly. I got bored. I don't know. I just don't feel it anymore. I bet he felt the same way too. If he's not, he won't be asking for 'space'. We are having a long distance relationship, FYI, and it is so illogical for him to ask for MORE space than we are having now. So I decided to quit. It's pretty much easier. Nothing can be settle when we are far apart. All we do, every time we're having argument is avoid each other.

It has been that way for a very long time. I bet we both tried our best to just look over it and pretend like everything's fine when actually, our relationship was just about to break. We tried. We did. Just like everyone else.

Shits happen, they said. True.

Thinking of the dream I had last night. We were in a room, and I looked at him. We stare at each other and he moved away. He left. Yes, he left.

Even in a dream, we decided to end this. I bet there's no way that we will return back together in the future. If we do, it must be fate. If. The probability? Unknown.

I would really want to say 'thank you' to him for being there for me for the past 10 years. He's a great friend. The one who would listen to everything - my complaints, my nagging, my story, my jokes, my wishes, my dreams. THANK YOU.

And I am truly sorry this is how it has to end between us. I'm just glad it didn't end because of a third person anyway. But things are better this way for both of us. Let's live well and be healthy. If we can't be friends, it's okay. I don't think that would be a good idea too. 

Just take care. I loved you, and still I love you today. It takes time to make if fade away. 

The Story of My Heart Part I

It's 9:25am local time.

I was on my bed thinking and I though that I had to get up and say it out.

As I said it on Twitter, "if you kept it all locked inside, your heart will eventually burst". I am not the kind of person who would easily throw my heart out to someone. Not even my closest friends. Not even to my parents. Not even to my sisters. I just can't because I don't know how to start. And because I joke around a lot, laugh a lot, that I tend to cover everything up with my laughter. Nobody should know.

But really. This is too painful.

I don't know how many times have I cried alone in my room just because it's too painful to think about. Yes. Breaking up isn't easy. And I don't feel like breaking up. I feel like I just got divorced. 10 years is a long year.

It's kinda dramatic when things happen so fast right after we celebrated (literally) our 10th anniversary. It's kinda embarrassing when I bragged about everything in my June 20th's entry. All that I said was true. Just that not everything that we planned happen as we wanted them to happen.

As I sat here, I can't stop but thinking about the first year. Everything was good. I was 18. I was a happy girl that have a wonderful boyfriend. I was young. We were. I never felt so in love. Well of course since he was the first one that I gave my heart to.

Time passed by so fast. People said the 6th and 7th year was the most challenging year in a relationship. I don't know if it's reliable or not but yes, we did had a great argument. As much as he hated me to say her name but "Jacklyn" or "Jacqueline" (which ever spelling her name was) I just can't forget the moment. We had a big fight over that. He just wouldn't talk about it until today. He said they were just friends but she told me a different side of  the story. I was shaken because this is something he shouldn't do the first place.

I felt betrayed. Of course I should. But then she told me. Something that I still can remember clearly in my head. "You can't take care of your man, that is why he is after me". I don't know if I ever told him about this but I felt like someone just stabbed me on the back. I hope it wasn't something that he TOLD her.

What if what she said is true? That  I was a bad girlfriend. But if I WAS a bad girlfriend, do you still think that I would forgive him and go this far?

I have a trust issue. It has become a 'major' issue since that day. I'm sorry but I can't take it twice.

We had a great moments. Great memories. We were the best of friends. We laugh a lot.

But things had gone the opposite now. As much as I wanted to talk more about it, I can't help but thinking that this would be the most boring entry I ever wrote. But

I'll come back with Part II.

I Am Okay.

Printer got stuck. Electricity is out. Works are piling up. One is half way done but I can't do much since I can't print them out -.- Anddd best part is, I need to show them to the supervisor today. Pfft


So what am I gonna do?


Why July? Why are you being like this to me?


Was about to cry but then I decided not to. So I prayed. 


I think I am okay with this cos there are more people out there who are facing a more difficult time.


Yes. I am okay.

A therapy.

I love books. I love reading. But that was ages ago -,- Now I am considering to read at least a book in a month. Not like I don't have time. Just that I'm too busy doing other stuff.

Reading is a good habit though. 

This is going to be my therapy.

Some of the books that I bought. Gonna finish reading all of them before October :3 *fingerscrossed* LOL

July 1st.

I wished for miracles and happiness to happen in July.

What I encountered on July 1st itself was different. Not that I am regretting my decision but it was the best for both. 

I don't want to explain since there's nothing to explain about. Time took care of everything I guess.

I just wanted to remember the day. After for so long. I'm back to 'just me'.

I wish you well. I wish for the best for you in life. 

I wish that we can be friends but.

Let it be this way. Just live well.

Thank you for everything. 

A Tale of Me : Appreciated. Not.

How funny it is to hope for something to happen when in reality it's not going to happen. Maybe it's because I am a Pisces, I tend to dream a lot and I imagine things that I want to happen instead of living  in the reality world. When they said men are from Mars, women are from Venus, they really DID their homework on that. 

I don't think both sexes will EVER be able to understand each other. 

As I stated before, I am just a person who is living my life. If I put it on a graph, you won't see anything interesting. For 10 years, just like my birthdays, my boyfriend and I never celebrated our anniversary together. For 10 years, I only received a flower ONCE during Valentine's Day. On my birthdays as usual, I never got any birthday surprises or even a birthday cake.

Why? I just wonder why.

Am I not allowed to celebrate ANYTHING in my life? 

Is it because I am used to this, my boyfriend thinks that I wouldn't mind if we don't do anything special on a special day? (Or maybe he thought I should get my own cake or something?)

Well,I do mind. I wish someone would appreciate me. I wish for someone to do something special for me. I wish that I can have something that I can say and remember and keep as a memory. 

Am I complaining now? Maybe. I'm just. I don't know.. Not happy perhaps? Not satisfied? Or the world is just being unfair to me?

I lost my self confidence just because I think nobody thinks I'm special. No matter how well I did in my studies, no matter how loyal I've been in my relationship, no matter how many years I've tried to survive. In the end I just felt like the only person who would cheers for me is. ME.

Somehow, I may not win the affections and loves from people around me but it's okay. I can't go telling them to do something for me or even worse to tell them to appreciate me because wo~ho~hoo that is just - insane. 

I bet God listened and understood. I may lost my confidence but I believe He doesn't want me to give up no matter how hard the situation may become in the future. 

Hey, I still have to live for myself right? Nobody appreciates me? It's okay. I have ME.

I'm just saying.

South Korea

I have a thing for South Korea. The country fascinates me. The cultures. The foods. The islands. The buildings. The people. I just love them all.

Now when is the best time to visit Korea? *psstt definitely not during summer. -,- I had enough of summers. It's summer 365days a year in Malaysia anyway.

HAHAHA

Dear Koreans, let me know! ^^

The Dos and Don'ts in relationship.

Can someone tell me??

Ba' Kelalan. My Home. My Heart.

https://www.facebook.com/pages/Ba-Kelalan-Home-Sweet-Home/296207851502

I'm living my life.

This photo was taken by my cousin, Edwin. This is my father's house (well, our home) in Ba' Kelalan. I grew up in Lawas by the way and only visit "kampung" (village) once in a year. My father said it is important to have a big house since we have a very large family. I agree. 

My father obviously worked very hard to build this for us. I'm very proud of him. People keep saying that our house is too big. It is big but I don't think it is big enough for 7 kids plus grandchildren to stay in for school holidays. -___-" We only have 5 bedrooms anyway.

People who knows my father would say " you're lucky. You come from a wealthy family". Most of the time I would just smile as an answer. Why? They don't know. They only see things. They saw our houses. The knew about our properties and all. Trust me. Lawas is too small. So words go around very fast. But still, they don't know. When I was 7, I stayed in hostel just because Kid no 5 and 6 were there to take care of me while my parents went away to work. I never really stayed with my parents during my teenage years. When I went to high school, they sent me to stay in the hostel til I was 17 too. Why? We don't have a car. Bus or van's fee was expensive. Kid no 5 and 6 went to different school. So they need more money. I didn't complain though. At that age, I was happy cos I can spend more time with my friends.

Have I told you that my parents never celebrate my birthday? Well. That's the truth. I didn't care until the day I saw my friend's album. A picture of her (since she was a year old) up to that day, she always have her birthday photos. Memories. That's what I don't have. Then I realized. I'm living a different kind of life. Wealthy family? That's not how I see it. How can a wealthy family can't afford to celebrate birthdays? We're not poor either. We're just living our life. Just living it. 

I felt sad once a while thinking of all the memories I should have. The photos that I never took.

My parents work hard anyway. Birthdays aren't important. I told myself. I may not have the memories but I'm living a good, blessed, simple life, well, that's good enough. Therefore, when people praises our family, I only answer them with a smile. I have nothing to brag about. I have nothing to tell them. 

Today, I've made a promise. For my future children, I'm gonna make sure they'll have a plenty of memories of their childhood and I'm gonna be next to them all the way. Not that my childhood was bad. My parents have their ways, and I'm gonna have my own.

Not even close to PERFECT.

We always want perfect things. Perfect lifestyle. Perfect family. Perfect relationship. Perfect body. Perfect exam result. Perfect boyfriend/girlfriend. PERFECT. Just "PERFECT".

Do you really think there is anything PERFECT on this earth? 

I'm not even close to perfect and I think that's normal.

Never Had A Family Photo.

Yes, we never took a family photo. Not during Christmas. Not during Family Day. Definitely not during Father's or Mother's Day.

As I said before, I have a big family. My parents and 6 siblings. All "above" me which means I am the youngest. I have 4 brothers and 2 sisters. As far as I can remember, I hate being the youngest. Especially when you have MORE bosses *than regular youngest child ever had* ordering you around! Kid no.1, Kid no.2, Kid no. 3, Kid no. 4, Kid no. 5, Kid no. 6 and myself is Kid no. 7. This is how I label our self since saying their names are rather confusing :P

Growing up in my family, I really can't remember how is it like. My parents are always busy making money and from what I heard from Kid no. 3 (my sister), I am always left with her since I was a year old. Funny eh? Mom is always not around, dad never bother about anything else except making money to feed his 7 kids. I bet that is why we're not that close as a family. 

As I grow up, Kid no. 1 and 2 (my brothers) were sent off to other town to further their studies. So did most of them. Today, it's pretty awkward for us to talk with each other. I am only close with Kid no. 3 and 5 since they're my sister and Kid no. 6 (brother) since I grew with him. 

The reason why we never had a family photo is unclear. My dad said, it's because it is hard for us to have a family gathering. If 6 of us came home for a certain occasion, 1 might not be able to make it and it would be unfair for that one person. Somehow, the way I see it, even when all of us are at home during Christmas, no one bothers to come up with the 'family photo' session. I mean, I would have told them but who would listen to me? :3

Therefore, what I said is true. We never had a family photo. And I never celebrated my birthday as a child. Never. :)

I don't blame my parents. The money for the birthdays might as well use to buy foods for the whole family and their prayers throughout my childhood means a lot more than all the birthdays I've missed. :)

I just hope one day, we are able to take family photo and hang it on the wall just like every other families.

Have You Found Your Perfect Job?

As I was sitting in the staff room today I did a little bit of thinking. Have i found a perfect job? I know what I am doing now is temporary but who knows if this is what God lead me to, I can't say no right? But really, I am hoping for other job to come along as well.

Having a perfect job for me means doing something that makes you happy and you're happy to do it not only for the money. Some people might think 'a job' is only a job. As long as you make money from it, it doesn't matter. Now tell me, are you willing to so something that doesn't even give you happiness and you can't even enjoy doing so? I can't live like that. A job is not only a job. How can you put a quality in your work if you can't even enjoy preparing or doing it? 

I know, money is important. Especially when you have a family to feed. You're the one who's going to do the job for years anyway, do you really think you can stand the "unhappiness" that long? :/ Due to the increase in the level of unemployment in my country, most graduated students took the easy way out. It's good not to be choosy, but it's funny when the teaching line has become very popular among them. Graduated engineering students ended up as a Bahasa teacher, graduated in management ended up as a Science teacher and etc. Not that i'm saying they are not qualified but it's a shame though, when you choose a different working line with what you have studied and it's a lost in some ways since you can't practice what you have learnt. 

If you're asking me, it is all the power of money. Yep. But recently the government has been very strict about the application of graduated students into the education line. It's a really wise step taken by them to protect the quality of the education somehow.

There are so many other job opportunities but I guess the numbers of the unemployed are higher than the job opportunities itself. As for me, I'm still looking around. Just like other parents, my dad thinks that teaching is my thing but I disagree. I studied administrative science and I would like to apply what I have learnt. At least. Not that I dislike teaching or kids that much, I love teaching but I think I still need to look around and find something that related to my study. 

Maybe. Just maybe. If I have no luck in looking for the job that I want in 3 years, I might come back as a teacher, just like the others. 

I didn't say it was wrong the first place anyway. It's just the way it is. LOL

But, if you really want a perfect job you just have to love what you got. That's the only way to be happy until the day you retire! If it's not perfect at first, you can MAKE it perfect later! ^^

Good luck! :)

And hey. I'm just saying.

I Don't See Why

Second chance might sound acceptable. Most people would regret what they did or say. But third or more chances on the same thing or situation? I don't see why we need to. You see, second chance means second chance. You did wrong you got the second try to make it right? Like for third or more? Pfft You need to change or else. 

I don't see why we need to jump into someone else's business. Like it's not even related to you. And why would you be so busy saying this and that and make things worst. And I don't see why, some people would say bad things about others. Like thinking they're so perfect and all. I mean, I've been into situation when people bad mouthing me in my back while act innocent in my face. It's okay. I'm not a type of person that would want to attack someone like that anyway. I bet they regret it now since I pay no attention to them. The best way to attack them is with kindness. The need no fist or slap, they need love. HAHAHA

And I don't see why we need to treat animal badly. I am an animal lover. I can't see stray dogs or cats. It broke my heart. And in one situation, I heard about a religious man who just packed their kittens(4 of them) in a plastic bag and swing them into the river. I was like 'WTF?' His reason, they can't have more cats. But seriously, can't he just send them away to somewhere safe rather than killing them? It's just not right. I can't sleep the day I heard the news. I can't even look at the man's face without having the picture of him and the kittens.

I don't see why we need to work to gain cash! Argh. Can't we just stay at home and got paid? LOL I see the life of heiress like Paris Hilton is kinda cool when all you do is just spend cash. I'm doing teaching now and i'm like a replacement teacher. It's a job that requires skills and training and I have none so it is rather difficult for me to grab the attention of 7 years old kiddies. Struggling to make money they say. Oh yes it's true.

I have a lot more I don't know why questions in my head. If I go on, you'll get bored reading. 

Do you have any doubt? Or questions? Let me know. I'm out for now.

Lapar / Hungry

Mun lapa jam tok la paling molah otak bingong. -,- bingong mike makan ke sik. Mun makan, gemok. Mun sik makan stress. Argh.

Mun lapa mintak barang k anyang-anyang jak sikhal.. Tok mintak gik makan mi..apa reti perut tok bah? Tapi nak mi kolok la paling best.

Mun di Samarahan tek, dah agak dah stall burger kat simpang Bazaaria ya.. Mun sik pun kontek Teo mbak nya g makan mi or roti canai di kede Mamak or Siang-Siang. Ya rabi eh rindu bena ku ngan sidaknya time lapa macam tok. HAHAHA sik sangka rindu sebab lapa p logik lah sebab mun kat rumah sitok sikda orang nok sanggup neman makan mun dah masok jam kedak tok. Sigek gik boring mun makan sorang... :/

Ada paham? Translation :

I'm so hungry. Being hungry at this hour gives me headache. Should I eat or not? If I choose to eat, I get fat. If I don't eat, I get stressed out. Argh.

If I'm craving for something light would be okay. But my tummy is asking for noodles! What's up with this tummy? But "mi kolok" is the best though.

If I'm in Samarahan, I would have gone to the burger stall at the Bazaaria junction right now. Or else, would have called Teo so we can go for noodles or roti canai at Mamak or Siang-Siang. Gawd. I miss my friends at this hour. HAHAHA How funny it is to miss them when I'm feeling hungry but logically here, there's no one that want to accompany to eat at this hour already. Some more, it is kinda boring to eat alone.. :/

Therefore, alu rasa aku harus padah kat sitok. Cos I am going to bed with a moody tummy and will wake up early to have breakfast with mom and sister!

So good night!! :)

Another Sunday.

Here it comes again. Another Sunday.

I love Sundays. It's church day :) 1 out of 7, not too bad you know, to spend some quality time with the Creator. Would be nice if we can do 7 out of 7. But we can communicate with Him from time to time though, through prayers. Yep. Simple. Yet, it works.

Alright, we are celebrating Family Day today at church. Usually, when we have special occasions like Father's Day, Mother's Day, Children's Day, Pastor's Day and etc, our church members would try their best to come up with something interesting! ^^ What I like most is that we have goood foods at the end of the celebration! HAHAHA

So, service gonna start at 9 today. Here I am, talking about it. Alright, need to get up and dress up. Church is a 3 minutes walk from home anyway. 

Family Day oh Family Day. I can say I don't have a perfect family but I love them all. My parents and my 6 siblings! 6?? Oh yes! 6!!! I'll come back and tell YOU about how it felt like to live with 6 siblings of 4 brothers and 2 sisters!

Till then, Happy Sunday! And God bless you all xo

My Sarawak.

If you're wondering where on earth Sarawak is, HERE. I'm gonna provide you with a map that I have found on google ^^

What I love about Sarawak is definitely the multi-ethnic/racial society. In Sarawak, we have the Dayaks, Malays, Chinese, Indians,Orang Ulu, Melanau and a lot more. I am a Lun Bawang myself which is from the Orang Ulu group.You see Sarawak is a very colorful state :) 

During one of our Faculty Annual Dinner back in 2010, the theme for the evening was 1Malaysia in which me and my friends decided to wear our own traditional costumes. Check out some of the photos which I really love to see because it is so colorful!

Me in white and i'm wearing a Lun Bawang traditional costume :) And all of us are representing different ethnics. I'm loving this picture. <3

These people are actually my seniors. They are all wearing different costumes too. Weehoo!!

So that's me in white. Roza (next to me) is wearing her Iban traditional costume, Angie in her Kayan costume, Shelley in a Chinese cheongsam and both of my Malay friends are wearing Malays traditional costume which are the kebaya and baju kurung.

And this one, my friend Jill (skinny one) is wearing a Dusun traditional costume (or Kadazan? Please correct me if I'm wrong). Well, she's from Sabah. :) Her friend is wearing a Bidayuh (Dayak) traditional costume. Colorful right?

I have more pictures but the internet connection is pretty slow tonight :/

Sarawak is a cool place to visit i must say. Other than their wonderful costumes and multi racial society, we have different kind of food too. Some are exotic foods that you can never find in any other state or even country.To experience Sarawak, you must come to visit and see for yourself! :)

WE, Sarawakian welcomes you anytime!

Crazy? I bet I am!

:D Sorry for cracking your PC's screen. HAHAHAHAHAHA

Blogging in English?

Correct me if i'm wrong, blogging is for everyone right? Not that I heard negative things about how you need to be gifted to write your own blog but a lot of people tend to think that way. Isn't it? Like you need to have a perfection in some ways to write good entries. If you wanna write in English for instance, you need to be able to write PERFECTLY like making no mistakes in grammar and all. I mean, I'm not majoring in English when I studied in university, we don't converse in English at home and English is not the first language in my country too. BUT I am willing to try to say something for everyone to read, understood and can relate to. I don't see language as a barrier in blogging UNLESS you're writing in your own language .Like everyone are perfect at it. :) But not anyone can understand so it's shutting down the communication tunnel. And that's bad :/

If you notice, I'm only using simple English, I've made grammar mistakes here and there. You see MY entries are not perfect :) But I bet you understood what I'm saying right? *or you can't relate t all?* :/ Hmm not your fault. Maybe I need to practice more.

I'm blogging not because I want everyone to read, I'm doing this to express myself and to improve anything that I am lack of. Not everything you feel comfortable telling someone you know, sometimes, right? So here I am complaining, nagging, dreaming!! 

HAHA

So now peeps, don't hold back. Especially for people from countries where English is only used as second or third language. We can always try to express ourselves. People may criticized us with our imperfections just don't stop. We're improving us, ourselves, not them.

Keep blogging. Keep sharing. 

Dream, They Said.

They said, to achieve something you need to dream. Dream will make you set a goal or target and you will see it as something that you want to have or do. Therefore, we need to dream.

But I don't think that works for me. I mean. I am a dreamer. A super dreamer. Day and night. But my dreams are somewhat pretty ridiculous to be said or share (-..-')v HEH. I dream big. Bigger than you can possibly imagine right now. You can't never guess what's on my mind unless you're a PSYCHIC! Bahahahaha :P

They said, shoot for the moon and land among the stars?? (is this correct or I'm messing up with a popular saying?) But like seriously? -,- Are they out of their minds? That's impossible. *look who's talking* I mean. If you wanna dream you have to "agak-agak" la sikit nak.. Sik la alu mok UP giaa..Bahaya ya mun sik tercapai. What if you can't achieve it, can you settle for the second best? You need to think carefully before you set your aim. Gotta know your ability too right?

They said, you need to follow your dream. In my case, can I REALLY follow mine? Hmm As I mention before, my dreams are just ridiculous. So I am not sure if it is safe to be followed! hahahaha Yes. I need to "agak-agak" too. Mun sik mampu, sikboh mimpi di siang hari :'D At least la..we got something to say right? Like "Hey, I'm gonna go to Korea one day and I'm gonna have the 2PM boys to be my personal guide" <---- some of my ridiculous dream. LOLOL Now you see why my dreams are most likely to be the most impossible to happen? 

Anyway, they said, Dreams will come true. You know, they might be right at certain point. Like if you work hard enough you'll get what you want. But a dream without an effort, and most importantly asking God's blessing through prayers can lead to nothing. For me, personally, if i really want something I would just pray for it and let God decide whether it is mine to have or not. If it doesn't come my way means it's not the right time or I'm just asking too much. :D Like how can it be possible to ask Him to make sure I get married to GD and not my current boyfriend now? <---- #2 ridiculous dream. Hahahaha

Well what I want to say is. Set your aim. Dream. See your ability. Effort. Pray. And with God's will you'll get what you want :) And Patience. Yes, good things doesn't come rolling to you. No matter how long you need to wait, if you want it, it doesn't matter if it took you forever to achieve it right?

Hey. I'm just saying ;)

Kali kau rasa best nak? So aku pun manas.

Kecewa sik bila apa yang kita rasa penting nak di anggap sik penting oleh orang yang suppose to see it as something yang penting juak? Paham sik? Sakit ati sik?

At this very moment *I won't mention a name* aku rasa nya sik fair. Totally. Aku tauk masalah nya tapi don't that person think that a little bit of an effort harus ada bok lah brani berik alasan yang agak remeh dan sik kukuh? 

Punyalah kita tok dah lamak kenal sama dirik, di kaka ulang-ulang pun sik juak paham..aku sik tauk gik koh..kali aku tok kaka benda sik betul ka or nya ada masalah sikit mok makan pesanan. Or juak nak nya ada barang mok tapok dari aku ya nya sik brani mok molah apa yang aku suroh. 

Sejujurnya aku manas. Ya jak ku mok padah. Mun kita orang sik paham mintak maap lah k.

10th Anniversary And I'm Still Loving You.

Dearest boyfriend,


June 21st is a good day isn't it? :) It marks our 10th year together. I would like to thank you for being the most loyal, wonderful, loving, understanding and caring boyfriend to me!!! Saranghae <3


Dearest Boyfriend, 


For all the years we have spent together as boyfriend/girlfriend, I would be lying if i said it wasn't tiring. You know, when we have to take care of each other. Asking questions everyday. "Have you eaten?" "How's work?" "Did you take your medicines?" "Why did you spend so much on car accessories?" etc I KNOW that's how a relationship suppose to be, but knowing you since I'm 18 up until today was *Pheww! need a LOT of hard work. (Not that I mean you're a hard-to-take-care-of kinda guy) just that adjusting everything to make both sides happy is quite challenging. You know the 1st year I thought our relationship was just going to be MY experiment since I'm only dating Nick Carter in high school :'D and a few of non serious relationship which usually a one sided love. *No. You're wrong. I was the one who dumped them* And did not expect you're gonna stick THIS long! :')


My dearest Boyfriend,


I might be a very silly girlfriend to you. The one with the most rebellious attitude. The one that you just want to forget immediately during our stupid fights. The one you wish you never knew when I got crazy and attack you with harsh words. I have a different versions of expressing myself. I know, you got tired. But I know you won't give up that easy on me. Right? You knew me too well to let all that ruin everything. 


Boyfriend,


You are the second most patient person (after my father) in this world. Whenever I got mad, I got upset, I got depressed and dump it all on you, you would just take it and come back tomorrow with a better mood like it never happen. It pisses me off sometimes, because you make me look bad. (TT..TT) frankly speaking. 
When you did not contact me for a few days (usually when I told you not to) I got scared but I would tell myself  " Take that. That's what you want, and you got it" *I prepared well actually* HAHAHA but I know you always go soft for me right? *I hope I'm right or I'll kill you* :'D Well, I'm just glad you *usually* admit that everything was your fault (EVERYTHING) so relationship is saved. Once again.
The fact that we treated each other like friends might be one of the factors that keeps us together. We fought like friends and it strengthen our relationship more instead of breaking us apart. :)


Dear Boyfriend,


I know we have gone through a lot together. Since our family accepted our relationship well now *after keeping it a secret for 8 years* I think it is about time for us to start a family ;) What about in 2-3 years from now? I think I'm done being single. 


P/S Dearest boyfriend, if you're reading this can you get a little bit romantic sometime? You're pretty lame and lack of skills in making a girl happy. Learn from GD. He's goooood.


And boyfriend, thank you for being my best friend, my right hand and my angel. You're the best boyfriend ever and I wouldn't ask for more from you. Thank you for loving me from the first day we met until today.
Pie, I love you and let's get it going.

Friends : Those who means the world to me.

Friends. Best friends. Good friends. Close friends. New friends. Old friends. Childhood friends. Ex friends. And all kind of friends. 

I am a type of person who love having friends. The more friends i have, the merrier it would be. We have people we can talk to, share with, have fun with, travel with, and do lots of things. There is no reason for us to live alone, right? 

I have some close friends. Some best friends. These type of friends are very close to my heart. Once I love a friend, I will not trade it for anything. A Pisces love for their friends are unconditional i may say. And i believe that. 

One of my best friend in Donna. Someone i knew since I was 13. Yep. We're still friends. In fact, I just saw her yesterday. For me, Donna is someone that I can share a lot of things with. My joy, my pain, my dreams, my secret. I trust her. Up until today.

And I have Jean, who is married now and blessed with a beautiful baby boy, Julian. She's the most open minded, care free person i ever know. There's Lena. The one who got married too and now lived in another city so we seldom meet. Pamela. Is the petite little woman with a very warm, kind and beautiful heart. She's busy lately so we rarely see each other even when we live in the same town. Then, Stephanie. The one and only doctor among us. It's a shame that we only see each other during Christmas sometimes once in two years. She's working in Ireland for more than 5 years now so I can say that she changed a little but still, she's one of the pack. 

When we were 13, we were so crazy about Backstreet Boys. I was Mrs Nick Carter back then (LOL), Pamela was Mrs Howie D, Donna was Mrs AJ, our dear Dr. Stephanie was Mrs Brian Littrell and Maverlyn (a mother of 2) was Mrs Kevin! :D When I recall back all the memories, how priceless was our innocence. We still wish each other "happy birthday" on our dear boys' birthday! Just to remind how silly we were! :D

As we parted after high school, we remain close. Then i met a few new friends. Some of them I met when i was 18. I have a best friend that will always be my best friend which is my current boyfriend. In a few days we will be celebrating our 10th anniversary. 

When i went to university, I made more friends. My first best friend that I treasure is Shelley. She's like a sister to me. For 5 years, she's been the one who went through ups and downs with me. She's a lovely and helpful person. She's everyone best friends. Then comes Rozalia and Angie. We're like sisters. I love them dearly.

Along the way, I met Faizah and Teodora and Shasha in a very unexpected way, we become close. We were classmates but we never get to know each other better before. But now, I believe, we made a bonding that won't be easily break by anything.  ( I can't find Shasha picture)

Since I love my friends, I really wanna wish them well in their life. I wish they can read this and know that I appreciate them for being a part of my life cycle, to be a reason for me to smile and I am thankful for them for reaching out their hands whenever I need someone to hold on to. I love you guys and may we remain friends for eternity.