The Story of My Heart Part II

This is Part II.

It's was a wonderful relationship. People around us would go "Hey! get married already!" or "It's about time for both of you to settle down". I felt awesome when people said that. I feel proud of myself. Not everyone can be in a relationship that long. If we just did what they asked us to do, I don't think this would happen. Don't you think?

But then again. Things happen. It's against our will. As much as I want to go on, I just can't because I'm just tired. Honestly. I got bored. I don't know. I just don't feel it anymore. I bet he felt the same way too. If he's not, he won't be asking for 'space'. We are having a long distance relationship, FYI, and it is so illogical for him to ask for MORE space than we are having now. So I decided to quit. It's pretty much easier. Nothing can be settle when we are far apart. All we do, every time we're having argument is avoid each other.

It has been that way for a very long time. I bet we both tried our best to just look over it and pretend like everything's fine when actually, our relationship was just about to break. We tried. We did. Just like everyone else.

Shits happen, they said. True.

Thinking of the dream I had last night. We were in a room, and I looked at him. We stare at each other and he moved away. He left. Yes, he left.

Even in a dream, we decided to end this. I bet there's no way that we will return back together in the future. If we do, it must be fate. If. The probability? Unknown.

I would really want to say 'thank you' to him for being there for me for the past 10 years. He's a great friend. The one who would listen to everything - my complaints, my nagging, my story, my jokes, my wishes, my dreams. THANK YOU.

And I am truly sorry this is how it has to end between us. I'm just glad it didn't end because of a third person anyway. But things are better this way for both of us. Let's live well and be healthy. If we can't be friends, it's okay. I don't think that would be a good idea too. 

Just take care. I loved you, and still I love you today. It takes time to make if fade away. 

The Story of My Heart Part I

It's 9:25am local time.

I was on my bed thinking and I though that I had to get up and say it out.

As I said it on Twitter, "if you kept it all locked inside, your heart will eventually burst". I am not the kind of person who would easily throw my heart out to someone. Not even my closest friends. Not even to my parents. Not even to my sisters. I just can't because I don't know how to start. And because I joke around a lot, laugh a lot, that I tend to cover everything up with my laughter. Nobody should know.

But really. This is too painful.

I don't know how many times have I cried alone in my room just because it's too painful to think about. Yes. Breaking up isn't easy. And I don't feel like breaking up. I feel like I just got divorced. 10 years is a long year.

It's kinda dramatic when things happen so fast right after we celebrated (literally) our 10th anniversary. It's kinda embarrassing when I bragged about everything in my June 20th's entry. All that I said was true. Just that not everything that we planned happen as we wanted them to happen.

As I sat here, I can't stop but thinking about the first year. Everything was good. I was 18. I was a happy girl that have a wonderful boyfriend. I was young. We were. I never felt so in love. Well of course since he was the first one that I gave my heart to.

Time passed by so fast. People said the 6th and 7th year was the most challenging year in a relationship. I don't know if it's reliable or not but yes, we did had a great argument. As much as he hated me to say her name but "Jacklyn" or "Jacqueline" (which ever spelling her name was) I just can't forget the moment. We had a big fight over that. He just wouldn't talk about it until today. He said they were just friends but she told me a different side of  the story. I was shaken because this is something he shouldn't do the first place.

I felt betrayed. Of course I should. But then she told me. Something that I still can remember clearly in my head. "You can't take care of your man, that is why he is after me". I don't know if I ever told him about this but I felt like someone just stabbed me on the back. I hope it wasn't something that he TOLD her.

What if what she said is true? That  I was a bad girlfriend. But if I WAS a bad girlfriend, do you still think that I would forgive him and go this far?

I have a trust issue. It has become a 'major' issue since that day. I'm sorry but I can't take it twice.

We had a great moments. Great memories. We were the best of friends. We laugh a lot.

But things had gone the opposite now. As much as I wanted to talk more about it, I can't help but thinking that this would be the most boring entry I ever wrote. But

I'll come back with Part II.

July 1st.

I wished for miracles and happiness to happen in July.

What I encountered on July 1st itself was different. Not that I am regretting my decision but it was the best for both. 

I don't want to explain since there's nothing to explain about. Time took care of everything I guess.

I just wanted to remember the day. After for so long. I'm back to 'just me'.

I wish you well. I wish for the best for you in life. 

I wish that we can be friends but.

Let it be this way. Just live well.

Thank you for everything. 

10th Anniversary And I'm Still Loving You.

Dearest boyfriend,


June 21st is a good day isn't it? :) It marks our 10th year together. I would like to thank you for being the most loyal, wonderful, loving, understanding and caring boyfriend to me!!! Saranghae <3


Dearest Boyfriend, 


For all the years we have spent together as boyfriend/girlfriend, I would be lying if i said it wasn't tiring. You know, when we have to take care of each other. Asking questions everyday. "Have you eaten?" "How's work?" "Did you take your medicines?" "Why did you spend so much on car accessories?" etc I KNOW that's how a relationship suppose to be, but knowing you since I'm 18 up until today was *Pheww! need a LOT of hard work. (Not that I mean you're a hard-to-take-care-of kinda guy) just that adjusting everything to make both sides happy is quite challenging. You know the 1st year I thought our relationship was just going to be MY experiment since I'm only dating Nick Carter in high school :'D and a few of non serious relationship which usually a one sided love. *No. You're wrong. I was the one who dumped them* And did not expect you're gonna stick THIS long! :')


My dearest Boyfriend,


I might be a very silly girlfriend to you. The one with the most rebellious attitude. The one that you just want to forget immediately during our stupid fights. The one you wish you never knew when I got crazy and attack you with harsh words. I have a different versions of expressing myself. I know, you got tired. But I know you won't give up that easy on me. Right? You knew me too well to let all that ruin everything. 


Boyfriend,


You are the second most patient person (after my father) in this world. Whenever I got mad, I got upset, I got depressed and dump it all on you, you would just take it and come back tomorrow with a better mood like it never happen. It pisses me off sometimes, because you make me look bad. (TT..TT) frankly speaking. 
When you did not contact me for a few days (usually when I told you not to) I got scared but I would tell myself  " Take that. That's what you want, and you got it" *I prepared well actually* HAHAHA but I know you always go soft for me right? *I hope I'm right or I'll kill you* :'D Well, I'm just glad you *usually* admit that everything was your fault (EVERYTHING) so relationship is saved. Once again.
The fact that we treated each other like friends might be one of the factors that keeps us together. We fought like friends and it strengthen our relationship more instead of breaking us apart. :)


Dear Boyfriend,


I know we have gone through a lot together. Since our family accepted our relationship well now *after keeping it a secret for 8 years* I think it is about time for us to start a family ;) What about in 2-3 years from now? I think I'm done being single. 


P/S Dearest boyfriend, if you're reading this can you get a little bit romantic sometime? You're pretty lame and lack of skills in making a girl happy. Learn from GD. He's goooood.


And boyfriend, thank you for being my best friend, my right hand and my angel. You're the best boyfriend ever and I wouldn't ask for more from you. Thank you for loving me from the first day we met until today.
Pie, I love you and let's get it going.