The price of being a Grade A student. (Not me)

If I were given a second chance to go back to the past and fix mistakes, I would. 

Wouldn't it be nice? I would go back to the time I was at my laziest at school and smack my own head and say, "Go read book and study, silly! I know your future. You ain't going anywhere being lazy like this." Yeah. Maybe then, I would realize. 

For all my life, I always wanted to see the world. Being a Grade A student would've been a good help though. Got to travel on scholarship. Bahaha :P I would've pick overseas university instead of the local ones. Took medic instead of admin, engineering perhaps. *sigh* Was too sleepy during Math & Science class anyway.

Not like I don't appreciate what I am having now. But it would've been nicer to be able to live my young life that way. Learning about other culture, people and food within that period. Cause once you got older, at certain limit, all you can think of is commitment. Work. Family. You just can't feel the passion anymore.

So for those young people, don't give up trying. Give your best. Go out and see the world. If you ain't got money, you got scholarship :P  what you'll get back is EXPERIENCE and fun plus, a degree or a master some more. Go explore.

If you got the passion, but you're too lazy to study make sure you have a body of a model. Perhaps you can try to be an international "flight steward/stewardess" instead. That works too. 

As for me. I have not enough cash. Not a Grade A student. Not even eligible to apply as a flight stewardess too. So.......

Don't live with regrets like me :) Go out and PLAY!

**saying all this after seeing my doctor,childhood friend's photos who is currently living in Ireland :3

Have a nice day! xo

An Opportunity

Will be seeing the girls on Wednesday!!! YAYY!! 

Only the good Lord knows how much i miss them :') Well, not all of them. Just two BUT it is better than don't see them at all.

WE have a lot to talk about, I know! Even for one night.

Will be posting photos :)

Lets Not Tell The World.

I know it's over but let's not make a big fuss about it.

I'm doing it here because I don't really have OUR friends reading my entries. I mean look at my followers.

You know, you don't have to attack me with such words. You may not directly point a finger at me but people may assume. Who else could it be? I just wished you never said such thing. Don't make me hate you. 

If you wanna hate me, go ahead. But watch your words. I didn't say anything. I haven't really told anyone. If you wanna tell your family, go ahead. You wanna announce it, sure. But be WISE with how you explain things. I don't have anything to hide, just that I wanted it to end in a good way. Not hating each other. Let's not be friends. We should not be friends.

Now I am sure and I've made up my mind.

Let's not condemn one another. We've known each other for so long. This is just isn't right. 

Good night.

The Story of My Heart Part II

This is Part II.

It's was a wonderful relationship. People around us would go "Hey! get married already!" or "It's about time for both of you to settle down". I felt awesome when people said that. I feel proud of myself. Not everyone can be in a relationship that long. If we just did what they asked us to do, I don't think this would happen. Don't you think?

But then again. Things happen. It's against our will. As much as I want to go on, I just can't because I'm just tired. Honestly. I got bored. I don't know. I just don't feel it anymore. I bet he felt the same way too. If he's not, he won't be asking for 'space'. We are having a long distance relationship, FYI, and it is so illogical for him to ask for MORE space than we are having now. So I decided to quit. It's pretty much easier. Nothing can be settle when we are far apart. All we do, every time we're having argument is avoid each other.

It has been that way for a very long time. I bet we both tried our best to just look over it and pretend like everything's fine when actually, our relationship was just about to break. We tried. We did. Just like everyone else.

Shits happen, they said. True.

Thinking of the dream I had last night. We were in a room, and I looked at him. We stare at each other and he moved away. He left. Yes, he left.

Even in a dream, we decided to end this. I bet there's no way that we will return back together in the future. If we do, it must be fate. If. The probability? Unknown.

I would really want to say 'thank you' to him for being there for me for the past 10 years. He's a great friend. The one who would listen to everything - my complaints, my nagging, my story, my jokes, my wishes, my dreams. THANK YOU.

And I am truly sorry this is how it has to end between us. I'm just glad it didn't end because of a third person anyway. But things are better this way for both of us. Let's live well and be healthy. If we can't be friends, it's okay. I don't think that would be a good idea too. 

Just take care. I loved you, and still I love you today. It takes time to make if fade away. 

I Am Okay.

Printer got stuck. Electricity is out. Works are piling up. One is half way done but I can't do much since I can't print them out -.- Anddd best part is, I need to show them to the supervisor today. Pfft


So what am I gonna do?


Why July? Why are you being like this to me?


Was about to cry but then I decided not to. So I prayed. 


I think I am okay with this cos there are more people out there who are facing a more difficult time.


Yes. I am okay.

A Tale of Me : Appreciated. Not.

How funny it is to hope for something to happen when in reality it's not going to happen. Maybe it's because I am a Pisces, I tend to dream a lot and I imagine things that I want to happen instead of living  in the reality world. When they said men are from Mars, women are from Venus, they really DID their homework on that. 

I don't think both sexes will EVER be able to understand each other. 

As I stated before, I am just a person who is living my life. If I put it on a graph, you won't see anything interesting. For 10 years, just like my birthdays, my boyfriend and I never celebrated our anniversary together. For 10 years, I only received a flower ONCE during Valentine's Day. On my birthdays as usual, I never got any birthday surprises or even a birthday cake.

Why? I just wonder why.

Am I not allowed to celebrate ANYTHING in my life? 

Is it because I am used to this, my boyfriend thinks that I wouldn't mind if we don't do anything special on a special day? (Or maybe he thought I should get my own cake or something?)

Well,I do mind. I wish someone would appreciate me. I wish for someone to do something special for me. I wish that I can have something that I can say and remember and keep as a memory. 

Am I complaining now? Maybe. I'm just. I don't know.. Not happy perhaps? Not satisfied? Or the world is just being unfair to me?

I lost my self confidence just because I think nobody thinks I'm special. No matter how well I did in my studies, no matter how loyal I've been in my relationship, no matter how many years I've tried to survive. In the end I just felt like the only person who would cheers for me is. ME.

Somehow, I may not win the affections and loves from people around me but it's okay. I can't go telling them to do something for me or even worse to tell them to appreciate me because wo~ho~hoo that is just - insane. 

I bet God listened and understood. I may lost my confidence but I believe He doesn't want me to give up no matter how hard the situation may become in the future. 

Hey, I still have to live for myself right? Nobody appreciates me? It's okay. I have ME.

I'm just saying.

The Dos and Don'ts in relationship.

Can someone tell me??

Ba' Kelalan. My Home. My Heart.

https://www.facebook.com/pages/Ba-Kelalan-Home-Sweet-Home/296207851502

I'm living my life.

This photo was taken by my cousin, Edwin. This is my father's house (well, our home) in Ba' Kelalan. I grew up in Lawas by the way and only visit "kampung" (village) once in a year. My father said it is important to have a big house since we have a very large family. I agree. 

My father obviously worked very hard to build this for us. I'm very proud of him. People keep saying that our house is too big. It is big but I don't think it is big enough for 7 kids plus grandchildren to stay in for school holidays. -___-" We only have 5 bedrooms anyway.

People who knows my father would say " you're lucky. You come from a wealthy family". Most of the time I would just smile as an answer. Why? They don't know. They only see things. They saw our houses. The knew about our properties and all. Trust me. Lawas is too small. So words go around very fast. But still, they don't know. When I was 7, I stayed in hostel just because Kid no 5 and 6 were there to take care of me while my parents went away to work. I never really stayed with my parents during my teenage years. When I went to high school, they sent me to stay in the hostel til I was 17 too. Why? We don't have a car. Bus or van's fee was expensive. Kid no 5 and 6 went to different school. So they need more money. I didn't complain though. At that age, I was happy cos I can spend more time with my friends.

Have I told you that my parents never celebrate my birthday? Well. That's the truth. I didn't care until the day I saw my friend's album. A picture of her (since she was a year old) up to that day, she always have her birthday photos. Memories. That's what I don't have. Then I realized. I'm living a different kind of life. Wealthy family? That's not how I see it. How can a wealthy family can't afford to celebrate birthdays? We're not poor either. We're just living our life. Just living it. 

I felt sad once a while thinking of all the memories I should have. The photos that I never took.

My parents work hard anyway. Birthdays aren't important. I told myself. I may not have the memories but I'm living a good, blessed, simple life, well, that's good enough. Therefore, when people praises our family, I only answer them with a smile. I have nothing to brag about. I have nothing to tell them. 

Today, I've made a promise. For my future children, I'm gonna make sure they'll have a plenty of memories of their childhood and I'm gonna be next to them all the way. Not that my childhood was bad. My parents have their ways, and I'm gonna have my own.

Not even close to PERFECT.

We always want perfect things. Perfect lifestyle. Perfect family. Perfect relationship. Perfect body. Perfect exam result. Perfect boyfriend/girlfriend. PERFECT. Just "PERFECT".

Do you really think there is anything PERFECT on this earth? 

I'm not even close to perfect and I think that's normal.

Never Had A Family Photo.

Yes, we never took a family photo. Not during Christmas. Not during Family Day. Definitely not during Father's or Mother's Day.

As I said before, I have a big family. My parents and 6 siblings. All "above" me which means I am the youngest. I have 4 brothers and 2 sisters. As far as I can remember, I hate being the youngest. Especially when you have MORE bosses *than regular youngest child ever had* ordering you around! Kid no.1, Kid no.2, Kid no. 3, Kid no. 4, Kid no. 5, Kid no. 6 and myself is Kid no. 7. This is how I label our self since saying their names are rather confusing :P

Growing up in my family, I really can't remember how is it like. My parents are always busy making money and from what I heard from Kid no. 3 (my sister), I am always left with her since I was a year old. Funny eh? Mom is always not around, dad never bother about anything else except making money to feed his 7 kids. I bet that is why we're not that close as a family. 

As I grow up, Kid no. 1 and 2 (my brothers) were sent off to other town to further their studies. So did most of them. Today, it's pretty awkward for us to talk with each other. I am only close with Kid no. 3 and 5 since they're my sister and Kid no. 6 (brother) since I grew with him. 

The reason why we never had a family photo is unclear. My dad said, it's because it is hard for us to have a family gathering. If 6 of us came home for a certain occasion, 1 might not be able to make it and it would be unfair for that one person. Somehow, the way I see it, even when all of us are at home during Christmas, no one bothers to come up with the 'family photo' session. I mean, I would have told them but who would listen to me? :3

Therefore, what I said is true. We never had a family photo. And I never celebrated my birthday as a child. Never. :)

I don't blame my parents. The money for the birthdays might as well use to buy foods for the whole family and their prayers throughout my childhood means a lot more than all the birthdays I've missed. :)

I just hope one day, we are able to take family photo and hang it on the wall just like every other families.

Have You Found Your Perfect Job?

As I was sitting in the staff room today I did a little bit of thinking. Have i found a perfect job? I know what I am doing now is temporary but who knows if this is what God lead me to, I can't say no right? But really, I am hoping for other job to come along as well.

Having a perfect job for me means doing something that makes you happy and you're happy to do it not only for the money. Some people might think 'a job' is only a job. As long as you make money from it, it doesn't matter. Now tell me, are you willing to so something that doesn't even give you happiness and you can't even enjoy doing so? I can't live like that. A job is not only a job. How can you put a quality in your work if you can't even enjoy preparing or doing it? 

I know, money is important. Especially when you have a family to feed. You're the one who's going to do the job for years anyway, do you really think you can stand the "unhappiness" that long? :/ Due to the increase in the level of unemployment in my country, most graduated students took the easy way out. It's good not to be choosy, but it's funny when the teaching line has become very popular among them. Graduated engineering students ended up as a Bahasa teacher, graduated in management ended up as a Science teacher and etc. Not that i'm saying they are not qualified but it's a shame though, when you choose a different working line with what you have studied and it's a lost in some ways since you can't practice what you have learnt. 

If you're asking me, it is all the power of money. Yep. But recently the government has been very strict about the application of graduated students into the education line. It's a really wise step taken by them to protect the quality of the education somehow.

There are so many other job opportunities but I guess the numbers of the unemployed are higher than the job opportunities itself. As for me, I'm still looking around. Just like other parents, my dad thinks that teaching is my thing but I disagree. I studied administrative science and I would like to apply what I have learnt. At least. Not that I dislike teaching or kids that much, I love teaching but I think I still need to look around and find something that related to my study. 

Maybe. Just maybe. If I have no luck in looking for the job that I want in 3 years, I might come back as a teacher, just like the others. 

I didn't say it was wrong the first place anyway. It's just the way it is. LOL

But, if you really want a perfect job you just have to love what you got. That's the only way to be happy until the day you retire! If it's not perfect at first, you can MAKE it perfect later! ^^

Good luck! :)

And hey. I'm just saying.

I Don't See Why

Second chance might sound acceptable. Most people would regret what they did or say. But third or more chances on the same thing or situation? I don't see why we need to. You see, second chance means second chance. You did wrong you got the second try to make it right? Like for third or more? Pfft You need to change or else. 

I don't see why we need to jump into someone else's business. Like it's not even related to you. And why would you be so busy saying this and that and make things worst. And I don't see why, some people would say bad things about others. Like thinking they're so perfect and all. I mean, I've been into situation when people bad mouthing me in my back while act innocent in my face. It's okay. I'm not a type of person that would want to attack someone like that anyway. I bet they regret it now since I pay no attention to them. The best way to attack them is with kindness. The need no fist or slap, they need love. HAHAHA

And I don't see why we need to treat animal badly. I am an animal lover. I can't see stray dogs or cats. It broke my heart. And in one situation, I heard about a religious man who just packed their kittens(4 of them) in a plastic bag and swing them into the river. I was like 'WTF?' His reason, they can't have more cats. But seriously, can't he just send them away to somewhere safe rather than killing them? It's just not right. I can't sleep the day I heard the news. I can't even look at the man's face without having the picture of him and the kittens.

I don't see why we need to work to gain cash! Argh. Can't we just stay at home and got paid? LOL I see the life of heiress like Paris Hilton is kinda cool when all you do is just spend cash. I'm doing teaching now and i'm like a replacement teacher. It's a job that requires skills and training and I have none so it is rather difficult for me to grab the attention of 7 years old kiddies. Struggling to make money they say. Oh yes it's true.

I have a lot more I don't know why questions in my head. If I go on, you'll get bored reading. 

Do you have any doubt? Or questions? Let me know. I'm out for now.

Lapar / Hungry

Mun lapa jam tok la paling molah otak bingong. -,- bingong mike makan ke sik. Mun makan, gemok. Mun sik makan stress. Argh.

Mun lapa mintak barang k anyang-anyang jak sikhal.. Tok mintak gik makan mi..apa reti perut tok bah? Tapi nak mi kolok la paling best.

Mun di Samarahan tek, dah agak dah stall burger kat simpang Bazaaria ya.. Mun sik pun kontek Teo mbak nya g makan mi or roti canai di kede Mamak or Siang-Siang. Ya rabi eh rindu bena ku ngan sidaknya time lapa macam tok. HAHAHA sik sangka rindu sebab lapa p logik lah sebab mun kat rumah sitok sikda orang nok sanggup neman makan mun dah masok jam kedak tok. Sigek gik boring mun makan sorang... :/

Ada paham? Translation :

I'm so hungry. Being hungry at this hour gives me headache. Should I eat or not? If I choose to eat, I get fat. If I don't eat, I get stressed out. Argh.

If I'm craving for something light would be okay. But my tummy is asking for noodles! What's up with this tummy? But "mi kolok" is the best though.

If I'm in Samarahan, I would have gone to the burger stall at the Bazaaria junction right now. Or else, would have called Teo so we can go for noodles or roti canai at Mamak or Siang-Siang. Gawd. I miss my friends at this hour. HAHAHA How funny it is to miss them when I'm feeling hungry but logically here, there's no one that want to accompany to eat at this hour already. Some more, it is kinda boring to eat alone.. :/

Therefore, alu rasa aku harus padah kat sitok. Cos I am going to bed with a moody tummy and will wake up early to have breakfast with mom and sister!

So good night!! :)

Another Sunday.

Here it comes again. Another Sunday.

I love Sundays. It's church day :) 1 out of 7, not too bad you know, to spend some quality time with the Creator. Would be nice if we can do 7 out of 7. But we can communicate with Him from time to time though, through prayers. Yep. Simple. Yet, it works.

Alright, we are celebrating Family Day today at church. Usually, when we have special occasions like Father's Day, Mother's Day, Children's Day, Pastor's Day and etc, our church members would try their best to come up with something interesting! ^^ What I like most is that we have goood foods at the end of the celebration! HAHAHA

So, service gonna start at 9 today. Here I am, talking about it. Alright, need to get up and dress up. Church is a 3 minutes walk from home anyway. 

Family Day oh Family Day. I can say I don't have a perfect family but I love them all. My parents and my 6 siblings! 6?? Oh yes! 6!!! I'll come back and tell YOU about how it felt like to live with 6 siblings of 4 brothers and 2 sisters!

Till then, Happy Sunday! And God bless you all xo

My Sarawak.

If you're wondering where on earth Sarawak is, HERE. I'm gonna provide you with a map that I have found on google ^^

What I love about Sarawak is definitely the multi-ethnic/racial society. In Sarawak, we have the Dayaks, Malays, Chinese, Indians,Orang Ulu, Melanau and a lot more. I am a Lun Bawang myself which is from the Orang Ulu group.You see Sarawak is a very colorful state :) 

During one of our Faculty Annual Dinner back in 2010, the theme for the evening was 1Malaysia in which me and my friends decided to wear our own traditional costumes. Check out some of the photos which I really love to see because it is so colorful!

Me in white and i'm wearing a Lun Bawang traditional costume :) And all of us are representing different ethnics. I'm loving this picture. <3

These people are actually my seniors. They are all wearing different costumes too. Weehoo!!

So that's me in white. Roza (next to me) is wearing her Iban traditional costume, Angie in her Kayan costume, Shelley in a Chinese cheongsam and both of my Malay friends are wearing Malays traditional costume which are the kebaya and baju kurung.

And this one, my friend Jill (skinny one) is wearing a Dusun traditional costume (or Kadazan? Please correct me if I'm wrong). Well, she's from Sabah. :) Her friend is wearing a Bidayuh (Dayak) traditional costume. Colorful right?

I have more pictures but the internet connection is pretty slow tonight :/

Sarawak is a cool place to visit i must say. Other than their wonderful costumes and multi racial society, we have different kind of food too. Some are exotic foods that you can never find in any other state or even country.To experience Sarawak, you must come to visit and see for yourself! :)

WE, Sarawakian welcomes you anytime!

Crazy? I bet I am!

:D Sorry for cracking your PC's screen. HAHAHAHAHAHA

Blogging in English?

Correct me if i'm wrong, blogging is for everyone right? Not that I heard negative things about how you need to be gifted to write your own blog but a lot of people tend to think that way. Isn't it? Like you need to have a perfection in some ways to write good entries. If you wanna write in English for instance, you need to be able to write PERFECTLY like making no mistakes in grammar and all. I mean, I'm not majoring in English when I studied in university, we don't converse in English at home and English is not the first language in my country too. BUT I am willing to try to say something for everyone to read, understood and can relate to. I don't see language as a barrier in blogging UNLESS you're writing in your own language .Like everyone are perfect at it. :) But not anyone can understand so it's shutting down the communication tunnel. And that's bad :/

If you notice, I'm only using simple English, I've made grammar mistakes here and there. You see MY entries are not perfect :) But I bet you understood what I'm saying right? *or you can't relate t all?* :/ Hmm not your fault. Maybe I need to practice more.

I'm blogging not because I want everyone to read, I'm doing this to express myself and to improve anything that I am lack of. Not everything you feel comfortable telling someone you know, sometimes, right? So here I am complaining, nagging, dreaming!! 

HAHA

So now peeps, don't hold back. Especially for people from countries where English is only used as second or third language. We can always try to express ourselves. People may criticized us with our imperfections just don't stop. We're improving us, ourselves, not them.

Keep blogging. Keep sharing.