This feeling.

Ah. My entry yang penoh emosi.

Everyone who drop by my blog mesti angol nangga post mala penoh emosi dan kekecewaan malah kadang kadang happy sik tentu pasal :/  bear in mind, saya berzodiak ikan jadi emosi orang ikan tok naik turun. Huhu 

Well. I am the world worst enemy. I think I hate almost everything that I am not and everything I can't have. When actually, it falls back to me dimana yang pasti yang harus usaha ialah AKU sendiri donk. Blaming the world or things around me saje jer..cos blaming myself would make me feel bad. Aha but true, mun bena gilak nyalah dirik last last dikpun kecewa. Mun yang extreme gik ada nak smpe terejun ke alam lain and you know what I mean..

You know. At the end of the day all you have to do is just accept it and try to do your best to achieve what you want. Lambat or cepat, it does'nt matter. (Except mun kerja ngn posxpress or poslaju la cos ya ng wajib laju..hehe) 

Entri tok k nyedap ati dikpun. Felt really down recently. I wasn't allowed to keep my pets anymore sebab jiran sebelah banyak komplen. Nyaman palak ngomplen sik seda aku tok diam sorang rmh besa daknya tek bujang 3 orang. Kakya ku sikpat nyimpan pusak?? Mcb bena. Kaktok ku nginang asuk bok nya tauk! Pfft

Due to this loneliness lah I tend to focus more on my pitiful life. All this while dapat la distract sikit but nowwww??? Aaah. Marahnyaa! 😤

I come back later. I go lepas marah lok. 

Sambil nangga gambar pemandangan dari kampung that I took last week. I'll write about my kampung trip next time! 

Tenangkan jiwa and this is behind my house in the morning :)

A Tale of Me : Appreciated. Not.

How funny it is to hope for something to happen when in reality it's not going to happen. Maybe it's because I am a Pisces, I tend to dream a lot and I imagine things that I want to happen instead of living  in the reality world. When they said men are from Mars, women are from Venus, they really DID their homework on that. 

I don't think both sexes will EVER be able to understand each other. 

As I stated before, I am just a person who is living my life. If I put it on a graph, you won't see anything interesting. For 10 years, just like my birthdays, my boyfriend and I never celebrated our anniversary together. For 10 years, I only received a flower ONCE during Valentine's Day. On my birthdays as usual, I never got any birthday surprises or even a birthday cake.

Why? I just wonder why.

Am I not allowed to celebrate ANYTHING in my life? 

Is it because I am used to this, my boyfriend thinks that I wouldn't mind if we don't do anything special on a special day? (Or maybe he thought I should get my own cake or something?)

Well,I do mind. I wish someone would appreciate me. I wish for someone to do something special for me. I wish that I can have something that I can say and remember and keep as a memory. 

Am I complaining now? Maybe. I'm just. I don't know.. Not happy perhaps? Not satisfied? Or the world is just being unfair to me?

I lost my self confidence just because I think nobody thinks I'm special. No matter how well I did in my studies, no matter how loyal I've been in my relationship, no matter how many years I've tried to survive. In the end I just felt like the only person who would cheers for me is. ME.

Somehow, I may not win the affections and loves from people around me but it's okay. I can't go telling them to do something for me or even worse to tell them to appreciate me because wo~ho~hoo that is just - insane. 

I bet God listened and understood. I may lost my confidence but I believe He doesn't want me to give up no matter how hard the situation may become in the future. 

Hey, I still have to live for myself right? Nobody appreciates me? It's okay. I have ME.

I'm just saying.

Crazy? I bet I am!

:D Sorry for cracking your PC's screen. HAHAHAHAHAHA

Friends : Those who means the world to me.

Friends. Best friends. Good friends. Close friends. New friends. Old friends. Childhood friends. Ex friends. And all kind of friends. 

I am a type of person who love having friends. The more friends i have, the merrier it would be. We have people we can talk to, share with, have fun with, travel with, and do lots of things. There is no reason for us to live alone, right? 

I have some close friends. Some best friends. These type of friends are very close to my heart. Once I love a friend, I will not trade it for anything. A Pisces love for their friends are unconditional i may say. And i believe that. 

One of my best friend in Donna. Someone i knew since I was 13. Yep. We're still friends. In fact, I just saw her yesterday. For me, Donna is someone that I can share a lot of things with. My joy, my pain, my dreams, my secret. I trust her. Up until today.

And I have Jean, who is married now and blessed with a beautiful baby boy, Julian. She's the most open minded, care free person i ever know. There's Lena. The one who got married too and now lived in another city so we seldom meet. Pamela. Is the petite little woman with a very warm, kind and beautiful heart. She's busy lately so we rarely see each other even when we live in the same town. Then, Stephanie. The one and only doctor among us. It's a shame that we only see each other during Christmas sometimes once in two years. She's working in Ireland for more than 5 years now so I can say that she changed a little but still, she's one of the pack. 

When we were 13, we were so crazy about Backstreet Boys. I was Mrs Nick Carter back then (LOL), Pamela was Mrs Howie D, Donna was Mrs AJ, our dear Dr. Stephanie was Mrs Brian Littrell and Maverlyn (a mother of 2) was Mrs Kevin! :D When I recall back all the memories, how priceless was our innocence. We still wish each other "happy birthday" on our dear boys' birthday! Just to remind how silly we were! :D

As we parted after high school, we remain close. Then i met a few new friends. Some of them I met when i was 18. I have a best friend that will always be my best friend which is my current boyfriend. In a few days we will be celebrating our 10th anniversary. 

When i went to university, I made more friends. My first best friend that I treasure is Shelley. She's like a sister to me. For 5 years, she's been the one who went through ups and downs with me. She's a lovely and helpful person. She's everyone best friends. Then comes Rozalia and Angie. We're like sisters. I love them dearly.

Along the way, I met Faizah and Teodora and Shasha in a very unexpected way, we become close. We were classmates but we never get to know each other better before. But now, I believe, we made a bonding that won't be easily break by anything.  ( I can't find Shasha picture)

Since I love my friends, I really wanna wish them well in their life. I wish they can read this and know that I appreciate them for being a part of my life cycle, to be a reason for me to smile and I am thankful for them for reaching out their hands whenever I need someone to hold on to. I love you guys and may we remain friends for eternity.

I'm A Pisces. And You?

So, i was born on March 20th which makes me a Pisces right? You know when you read all the stuff they said about how people under these signs in the Zodiac act, their behaviors, attitudes, their futures, how they think, feel and bla bla bla right? I bet everyone went "whoa! that is sooo me!" or "OMG! It is totally true!" Well, Me is no exception. It's like my second Bible.

My life depends on it for a while. You know, Pisces is a very emotional sign. Which is true. A good friend. Which i think it is true too because you see, i love my friends. And vice versa :3 Pisces lives in fantasy. Can't agree more. I would say AMEN to everything. That shows how committed i am to the sign.

The thing is, i got so connected to it, i become lost. It's like i depend too much on it. It sadden me sometimes because i felt like i can't do anything for all the negative attitudes and bad habits i have. Why? "It was meant that way",Said Pisces. "Live like that, or be born under other signs next time." (Sorry for that. Imagination just ran wild for a moment)

You see. That's me. A Pisces. I'm a Pisces. A good one. Fish is us. But i can't swim though. And you?

p/s : This entry is meaningless. Read it for fun. :D