I Am Okay.

Printer got stuck. Electricity is out. Works are piling up. One is half way done but I can't do much since I can't print them out -.- Anddd best part is, I need to show them to the supervisor today. Pfft


So what am I gonna do?


Why July? Why are you being like this to me?


Was about to cry but then I decided not to. So I prayed. 


I think I am okay with this cos there are more people out there who are facing a more difficult time.


Yes. I am okay.

A Tale of Me : Appreciated. Not.

How funny it is to hope for something to happen when in reality it's not going to happen. Maybe it's because I am a Pisces, I tend to dream a lot and I imagine things that I want to happen instead of living  in the reality world. When they said men are from Mars, women are from Venus, they really DID their homework on that. 

I don't think both sexes will EVER be able to understand each other. 

As I stated before, I am just a person who is living my life. If I put it on a graph, you won't see anything interesting. For 10 years, just like my birthdays, my boyfriend and I never celebrated our anniversary together. For 10 years, I only received a flower ONCE during Valentine's Day. On my birthdays as usual, I never got any birthday surprises or even a birthday cake.

Why? I just wonder why.

Am I not allowed to celebrate ANYTHING in my life? 

Is it because I am used to this, my boyfriend thinks that I wouldn't mind if we don't do anything special on a special day? (Or maybe he thought I should get my own cake or something?)

Well,I do mind. I wish someone would appreciate me. I wish for someone to do something special for me. I wish that I can have something that I can say and remember and keep as a memory. 

Am I complaining now? Maybe. I'm just. I don't know.. Not happy perhaps? Not satisfied? Or the world is just being unfair to me?

I lost my self confidence just because I think nobody thinks I'm special. No matter how well I did in my studies, no matter how loyal I've been in my relationship, no matter how many years I've tried to survive. In the end I just felt like the only person who would cheers for me is. ME.

Somehow, I may not win the affections and loves from people around me but it's okay. I can't go telling them to do something for me or even worse to tell them to appreciate me because wo~ho~hoo that is just - insane. 

I bet God listened and understood. I may lost my confidence but I believe He doesn't want me to give up no matter how hard the situation may become in the future. 

Hey, I still have to live for myself right? Nobody appreciates me? It's okay. I have ME.

I'm just saying.

Have You Found Your Perfect Job?

As I was sitting in the staff room today I did a little bit of thinking. Have i found a perfect job? I know what I am doing now is temporary but who knows if this is what God lead me to, I can't say no right? But really, I am hoping for other job to come along as well.

Having a perfect job for me means doing something that makes you happy and you're happy to do it not only for the money. Some people might think 'a job' is only a job. As long as you make money from it, it doesn't matter. Now tell me, are you willing to so something that doesn't even give you happiness and you can't even enjoy doing so? I can't live like that. A job is not only a job. How can you put a quality in your work if you can't even enjoy preparing or doing it? 

I know, money is important. Especially when you have a family to feed. You're the one who's going to do the job for years anyway, do you really think you can stand the "unhappiness" that long? :/ Due to the increase in the level of unemployment in my country, most graduated students took the easy way out. It's good not to be choosy, but it's funny when the teaching line has become very popular among them. Graduated engineering students ended up as a Bahasa teacher, graduated in management ended up as a Science teacher and etc. Not that i'm saying they are not qualified but it's a shame though, when you choose a different working line with what you have studied and it's a lost in some ways since you can't practice what you have learnt. 

If you're asking me, it is all the power of money. Yep. But recently the government has been very strict about the application of graduated students into the education line. It's a really wise step taken by them to protect the quality of the education somehow.

There are so many other job opportunities but I guess the numbers of the unemployed are higher than the job opportunities itself. As for me, I'm still looking around. Just like other parents, my dad thinks that teaching is my thing but I disagree. I studied administrative science and I would like to apply what I have learnt. At least. Not that I dislike teaching or kids that much, I love teaching but I think I still need to look around and find something that related to my study. 

Maybe. Just maybe. If I have no luck in looking for the job that I want in 3 years, I might come back as a teacher, just like the others. 

I didn't say it was wrong the first place anyway. It's just the way it is. LOL

But, if you really want a perfect job you just have to love what you got. That's the only way to be happy until the day you retire! If it's not perfect at first, you can MAKE it perfect later! ^^

Good luck! :)

And hey. I'm just saying.

Blogging in English?

Correct me if i'm wrong, blogging is for everyone right? Not that I heard negative things about how you need to be gifted to write your own blog but a lot of people tend to think that way. Isn't it? Like you need to have a perfection in some ways to write good entries. If you wanna write in English for instance, you need to be able to write PERFECTLY like making no mistakes in grammar and all. I mean, I'm not majoring in English when I studied in university, we don't converse in English at home and English is not the first language in my country too. BUT I am willing to try to say something for everyone to read, understood and can relate to. I don't see language as a barrier in blogging UNLESS you're writing in your own language .Like everyone are perfect at it. :) But not anyone can understand so it's shutting down the communication tunnel. And that's bad :/

If you notice, I'm only using simple English, I've made grammar mistakes here and there. You see MY entries are not perfect :) But I bet you understood what I'm saying right? *or you can't relate t all?* :/ Hmm not your fault. Maybe I need to practice more.

I'm blogging not because I want everyone to read, I'm doing this to express myself and to improve anything that I am lack of. Not everything you feel comfortable telling someone you know, sometimes, right? So here I am complaining, nagging, dreaming!! 

HAHA

So now peeps, don't hold back. Especially for people from countries where English is only used as second or third language. We can always try to express ourselves. People may criticized us with our imperfections just don't stop. We're improving us, ourselves, not them.

Keep blogging. Keep sharing. 

When you feel like giving up, give Him a call.

Since I'm a k pop fan or you can say, alert about anything related with Korea entertainment industry, the suicide news of the blooming actress, Jung Ah Yool, is quite shocking. http://www.allkpop.com/2012/06/rookie-actress-jung-ah-yool-passes-away 

How i wish she did not commit suicide and talk to someone instead for advises. What I'm trying to say here is that, I really wish for anyone, not only those actors and actress, singers and musicians, sportsmen to think twice before deciding to end their life in such a tragic way. Despite all the suffering, all the pain, all the fame, all the depression that they felt they can't longer bear, they do still have someone that would listen. GOD.  Yes. God is always listening. Many of us thought that He won't never answer but He never give us a test that is beyond our strength. He knows a lot. As long as we remain faithful and trust in Him. Nothing can shake us. :)

Not only Christians, I do believe that any other religion in this world taught the same thing. I know, at the very moment when people thought of giving up life, they are at their lowest time of their life too. I know. I've been there. Just to share my experience, well actually, I've thought of it. I suffered inside out. I felt unhappy. Unwanted. Depressed. Pressured. Angry with my self. Lost of self control. and I can't think of anything other than to put the misery to an end. But then I realized, I should seek help for the very last time from one person. God. Honestly, I did pray my heart out. Crying on my bed asking "Why this....Why that..Why me..." I told myself that If my heart is still feeling burden the moment I open my eyes, I just thought that, That's it. It's the end. It has to end. I ended up sleeping though. When I woke up, I felt lighter inside. Slowly I regain hope. And today I just hope everyone at least try to seek for the last hope by giving Him a call. (through prayers)

You see, God never leave us alone. You just have to ask :)

Dear readers, I'm just saying. And sharing. I felt the lost of our dearest actress is quite saddening. I love her in the drama 'Love Love' and she was such a beautiful and talented young woman. May her soul rest in peace.